Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My pussy is not your playground.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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