Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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