No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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