I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
