So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
