I don't usually arrange sex via text message
What did we do last night that was yellow?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
