woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
