You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
