Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
