the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
