Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
