I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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