no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
