Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
