is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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