I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Houston, we have a squirter
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He better not be in your backpack
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
