just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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