Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
