YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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