He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
