yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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