Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
our cab driver is having phone sex.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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