is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
