I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
