if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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