there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
