You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
