i would punch a child for taco bell
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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