also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.