I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube