can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The chlamydia really affected his face.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.