I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...