I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
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well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"