There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
