Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
