cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
