u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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