I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
