i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
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I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
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My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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