guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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