OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
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Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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