Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
