you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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