what if every blade of grass was a penis?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
