I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
