i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
zippers are such a cool invention
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
