Four minutes until I can fart!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
