Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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