You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
