My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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