I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
