you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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