i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
