Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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