New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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