I could make wine with my vomit
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
