I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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