I accidentally had phone sex last night
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
