youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
