I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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