holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
