New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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