i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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