im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
