Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
