I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
