she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i came on her dog
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It's never too late to be topless.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
