She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
