i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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