I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
